Everyone's famous in a small town...unfortunately

So, the small town has kicked my butt lately. Oh how very much I have to learn about living, surviving, and thriving in a small town. Growing up as a city girl I can't say I have ever experienced so much  "I know something ya'll don't know." (to quote Jason Aldean) and to continue quoting him..."Man this shit is getting old!" Yeah, gossip has reared its ugly head in my life. Ridiculous. As a people pleaser at heart my feelings are very closely tied to others' opinions of me. I know, it's often prideful and something that I need to work on. I need to be better at finding confidence in who I am regardless of what people say about me, buuuut having said all that it's still hurtful when people say mean and un-true things about you. 

I think living with gossip also brings up my insecurities about not "fitting in." I was feeling pretty good about my life lately, I thought I had it goin' on, held together, and picture perfect for the most part. Then, with all this ridiculousness I realized I might not be as with it as I first thought. A lot of people "here" are very welcoming, loving, warm, inviting, and a joy to be around. But, there are a few who seem to have the motto "you will fit in here over my dead body" I'm a little different from a lot of town people. I grew up in a different state, went to private school, Christian college, live behind a gate and all the thing that go with that or they think go with that (which is seen as very stand-offish and exclusive...but it's not my choice, people!!! This reality was not my reality for my whole life! It's not me it's just what I happened to marry into. That's it! , my in-laws are not everyone's favorite people, I don't have children, I don't go to a church they all like, I don't really enjoy sitting there killing animals, I speak differently, I cheer for different sports teams aaand the list goes on. So, naturally a lot of people assume I hate living here and I hate the people here. Not true! I was really enjoying the town and the people. I consider this my home. I pay taxes here. I go to sporting events. I attend local fundraisers and plays. I have more interaction with their children on a daily basis than they do! I've realized most people I come into contact with on a daily basis have a way different image of who I am than is true. I think most people would be shocked had they seen me in highschool or college. 


Funny thing, when we moved here I was all gung-ho. I thought it was going to be so great to get plugged into a church, make new friends, be tight with people at school. But, I want to be seen by my students as approachable and genuine and those people and groups had none of what I was about. So, I think a few key choices in my life "here" have led people to believe I am a snobby, heathen woman! Here are those choices, as I see them:


1. I usually dress-up every single day at school. Now, I'm not saying that's bad. I mean, I think it's appropriate to present yourself as a professional. But, I get a comment about how I'm dressed every single day from at least one of women I work with. Thus the snobby comment.


2. I am not involved in any of the Christian school clubs, nor do I attend any of the "prayer meetings" the staff holds. I have no desire to be a part of the people that are leading those groups. They live their Christian walk very differently than how I want to. Thus the heathen comment.


3. I am friends with guys. Yep, the crimson sin,  I associate with guys. And my husband is okay with it. Let me explain, I grew up with loooots of guy friends. We were very close. We all did everything together - girls and guys. However, no one informed me that this was not common practice locally. Apparently, if you're friends with guys you most be serious trouble. No one told me. My husband had lots of friends who were girls when we met and were dating and sees no problems with my friendships. But, other people like to be worried and upset for him....probably because he's not either of those. Our marriage is just fine, thank you. We have fun together, love each other, and enjoy a lot of the same things. We are also very independent. We're okay with doing our own thing, having our own friends, sitting in the same house but doing different things. It's okay! Our marriage is not about to fall apart, sorry to disappoint everyone! Again, the heathen comment.


Anyway, long story short, I've had a week full of feeling sorry for myself. Feeling pouty that people gossip, feeling home-sick for people that love me and like me, and feeling very left out. I've wanted live in a bubble this week. Away from all the yucky of the world. However, church today made me realize I'm not going to allow other people to take away my joy. Watching the Georgia game this week the commentator made a comment that stuck with me. The UGA coach calls people "Energy Vampires" who suck the energy and life out of a program (or in this case a person) I'm not going to allow energy vampires to take up my time or space in my mind any longer. I can't control what people choose to say or believe, but I can choose my attitude. A favorite quote I found today, "Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you."

So, guess what, I do have it goin on, held together, and pretty picture perfect....whether anyone else wants to believe that or not!