Thoughts on Dead Ends and Delays

I want to write a blog post, but there's really nothing much to write about. I feel like there's a lot going on in my head, but putting it on paper is just too much. I should be working on my Professional Development curriculum project I have to write, or my fourth chapter of my Action Research project that has taken over a year to work on. I could be conquering my dinner dishes, or grading papers, or reading the three books waiting on my Kindle I just downloaded at the suggestion of my students. I could write a card to my grandmother or be praying for my friends' burdens that are on my heart so often lately, I could be reading the next chapter of The Story my mom and dad gave me for Thanksgiving (Side note - it's really good. I highly suggest this book as a way to read through the Bible), but I'm not. I'm being selfish.

I'm using my time for me....to do nothing.

I think that's probably what I need to voice...I'm pretty selfish. Is there anything in your life that you feel you know is a flaw and many people point it out to you over the years, you're always a little defensive of it, and you try to hide it away when you are putting on your best front for someone? You're always a little scared that the flaw will rear it's head towards people you love and care about and you'll be embarrassed and ashamed that you haven't yet mastered it? After all, so many problems, arguments, hurt feelings, sleepless nights, and apologies have come as a result of your flaw. I'm not talking about some huge personality problem. I guess I don't think I have a huge, glaring problem that turns people off. I'm saying those little things that we always know will handicap us throughout life.

In Life Group Tuesday, we discussed dead ends. Lazarus had died and everyone was angry that Jesus had missed it. He was late. He didn't do what they all expected. There was a dead end to their plan...literally! Lazarus was DEAD. Yet, God's timing is perfect. He raised Lazarus from the dead. He told him to stand up and walk, and he did! The point was often the dead ends we encounter in life are actually just delays. The problems often come when we allow delays to discourage us to the point of never picking back up; instead, we allow these delays and detours to turn into dead ends. I mean, how much more of a dead end can you get than actually dying?!

I realized I am so selfish sometimes that as soon as something doesn't go my way, in my timing, the exact way I had planned, I am quick to sit and pout at the dead end sign. I see no detour, I am not content in the delay, I just stop and pout. I give up. I blame everyone around me, every circumstance around me, and I do not want a solution. I only want my original desire. I'm not patiently waiting, trusting that He shows up on time. Instead I'm pointing to the dead end sign, screaming at everyone around me that He's too late. I'm dead. My plan is dead. My heart's desires are dead. He hasn't heard me. He was too late. He let them die. My selfish desires, plans, longings, and dreams are too often clouding my vision to see all the things God is raising from the dead around me. Or, that often He's just whispering waaaiiittt, Renee. Just wait. Have I got big plans for you! Now, get up and WALK. Quit pouting. Quit being selfish. Get up. Walk.

I guess I will.